The Existentialism of Humanity

So, I have been in a bind lately. I do not know what to do with my life. I'm a 27-year old attorney in San Diego with no solid roots or foundation anywhere. I do not especially like my job but it provides a decent paycheck every couple weeks. In what has become a fairly standard refrain in my life I have been asking myself: "What the hell am I doing? Why am I here? There has to be more to everything!!" My own little existentialist crisis... it's great! Don't get me wrong: I am not depressed. I just have an inability to feel satisfied, well, ever.

Dissatisfaction with my life makes no objective sense, I realize. I have a high standard of living, I'm well-educated, I have been afforded opportunities few people can even dream of, I am in good health, I live in sunny Southern California, I have good friends and a loving family, and I am confident in my abilities.

Further, I am inundated with information everyday that shows just how, well, lucky I should consider myself. I just read an article in the NY Times about how a particularly poisonous form of crack cocaine is destroying whole swaths of South America. The article did its job: I, of course, thought "wow, that's terrible." But a few minutes later went back to being anxious about my privileged life.

Since I don't live in a bubble, I have also looked around me and seen that my angst is not something that is unique. Millions of people in situations similar to mine are not satisfied; it is like the disease of malaise is gripping the country and the world (maybe we should all start wearing sweaters). At a time when affluence, near-infinite knowledge and information, and the possibility of the unknown becoming known are spreading across the globe, people increasingly seem like they want to retreat into their own cocoons. As a species, we seem lost.

I have been wondering why lately. Has a miracle of human evolution -- conscious thought -- on top of our animal instincts created this problem we are in? Are animals as dissatisfied as we are? Are they just as dissatisfied but humans have the unfortunate knowledge that they can, theoretically, do something about it (which, ironically, makes us more dissatisfied)? Is the collective knowledge of millennia of human history just too much for our brains to handle? But why do we continue to charge ahead? Despite knowing that our true satisfaction may always be out of reach, I and everybody else just continue to try to expand our horizons, tweak our lives in this or that way...

Maybe that city on the horizon will be a nicer place to live... maybe that new job will bring out my passion... maybe I should find a girl... maybe I should get new friends... maybe I should [fill in the blank]. Really, what are we all doing? And, more importantly, why?

I guess all we can do is take it one day at a time, not regret this time that has been given to us, and always hope for better things over the horizon.... Otherwise, our collective dissatisfaction will get the better of us and that definitely cannot happen. So, I guess I will be satisfied with what I have; it is my life, after all, and it is the one thing I know I have some power over.